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Oahu by Camera Phone 2

Oahu by Dad's Camera

Oahu by Camera Phone

We've All Had a Bad Day, Lady

I wanted to write something beautiful today. The bus driver really pissed me off. We’ve all had a bad day, lady. I jam my frame heavily into the back corner seat and pull down my wool cap. It hides my eyelids. I disappear.

I was going to write something beautiful today; but disappearing was much more appealing. I’ll think of good things. I’ll dream about them. I’ll fall asleep and transport myself to where I want to be. I’ll reconstruct it.

A top floor apartment. A new suede couch. It was chocolate colored. Or Charcoal. I can’t remember now. It’s been a long time. Longer than I’ve waited ever. The pillows were Mediterranean blue, that much I remembered. A cat lurking on wooden floors. Pictures of friends and three rascals decorating otherwise bare, white walls. A coffee table with swatches tidily lined next to one another. The coffee table was built by a friend. Notoriously uncluttered counters. A hat, the blue one, well worn and for comfort. A face like soft down on a frigid day.

The bus bumped onto the sidewalk and dropped off, shocking the serenity from my blood. She was cracking my patience across her knee, the renegade bus driver. I tip my cap up to survey the other riders. A heavy, pretty girl with a thrift store sack at her Doc Marten’s scratching her bleached hair away from blue eyes. Her nose was pierced. I’ve always wanted a pierced nose. A teeny diamond stud. I’m not too comfortable with the width of my nose. Her friend was uber-Lincoln Park, an H & M sack between her skinny knees clutching a purse in leather driving gloves. Pointed black boots tapping rapidly. A boy in a white jeep hat. A tattered man bogged down by 4 or 5 bags of recyclables. A 30-something mesmerized by a PSP.

I think about other things. This one. That one. Places I’ve been. The one who never forgets that I need jelly for my wheat toast, sometimes an English muffin. Packing for the trip. My Grandmother’s rosary, how the jade colored beads hold the heat. I cradle it in my hand and feel closer to her, to a woman who was so much better than I am. But then, I’m just having a bad day. Why I try so hard and some will still question my integrity. I wonder what the confrontation will look like. Will I be ugly? Will I snap? Will I be the ordinarily, predictable passionate self? I’m grasp at serenity. Calmness. Cool. Logic. Logic. Logic. I prayed today. Illogical. I forgot the Hail Mary. Upsetting. I had to look it up on the internet. It had escaped me. I wondered what that meant. Kyle's joke about the little man in the sky. Why had I eaten so many green olives yesterday.

Stop. Thinking. So. Much.